Failures of Love

In this life of contradictions, I almost believed the end of choice
Where I tried to sing but not hear my own voice
Or look in the mirror to see myself but not the one I know
Now I can only blame you for your love that will not let go

I had to stray from your paths; I had to ignore your words
I was let stuck at crossroads of two different worlds
One was born for you, and the other has chosen me
But putting them together hasn’t been meant to be

Merely for life, freedom is my pursuit
Trial and error has always been my destined route
Where I end up is my lesson, not yours
The more painful it is, the easier become the harder chores

I found myself destroyed by your conserved means
Ones that promise a transformation obscenely unseen
Maybe my nature can teach you, my master, some compassion
To allow a susceptible learner grow into a leader of true passion

Just send me an angel to look over me,
Or release that devil that controls my destiny
I ask for an angel’s love, to save what is left of me
Or let go of my shattered self, to release the captivated soul-to-be


June 4, 2009

Probably, Most Probably

At times when words seem to freely flow
And laughter seems to make my heart magically glow
I remember your hugs and miss them the most
I sleep and dream of your company, of your friendly ghost

Maybe I’m holding on to what I shouldn’t be
Or I’m being blinded, forbidden to acknowledge what I’m supposed to see
But for once I refuse to deny a warming spark
Even If I would have to experience future nights in the dark

Just maybe, I will hold off a couple of my senses
Will that issue me a break from ‘further expenses’?
I might eventually abandon my solitary stand
Being lifted up and beyond, by a touch of your hand

But probably, most probably, I will suddenly get struck
Strong enough to slip me back into my consciousness, and stay stuck
Stuck in between a reality of wonders and a wonder of realities:
An unequal mixture of hopes’ disappointments and promises’ informalities

Feb 23, 2009

Doomed Into Another You

Just leave me alone,
Can’t you see you’ve created what can’t be undone?
A side that nobody will see,
Unless you were there talking, somewhere, around me
I have tried to shut you off so many times over and over again
But when my ‘off’ buttons are overused, what am I supposed to do then?
I will have been doomed into another you
Another unwanted creature of unknown existence to pursue
I can’t wait to sleep, to dream
A dream that is anti-you, a dream of supreme
Though in reality, loud noises come from another unknown source
Hurts my ears to bear such a voice: striking and coarse
For a period of time I was allowed a time off
I was at the crest and left you at the trough
I can’t wait till the day of you going away
Just so that I can breathe out, once again, during the day

Jan 21, 2009

Reign of Disdain

All I see in front of me is a road, narrow and long
But what do I leave behind, other than all that went wrong?
What do I take with me, what ever made me strong?
Where do I go, where do I really belong?

Is it true that happiness might lie within loneliness?
Or do I think so because it skips all this dramatic stress?
Where can I silently donate my truth and confess?
A truth that have created all this heavy distress

“Don’t be a victim of your own pride”
I heard you preach, but I struggle to concur and confide
When my own world turned on me, to mislead my independent ride
I dropped in my pitfall, and laughed to conceal the part of me that died

The sound of laughter has cried out for some aid
To overcome the inherited disdain, the reign entitled to never be laid
Content has been washed away along with the undirected cascade
Sorted among more piled debts that has been forwarded, yet, unpaid

April 15, 2009

No Man's Land

I’ve deserted No Man’s Land long time ago
I was left there, but my self wanted to go
It was the one place of the ultimate “No, No!!”
I was vicious and scared, only because the true truth I HAD to know

I would swear, I can yet survive
Since I was left alone under the flames, but came out alive
Maybe it was how I learned to battle for the strive
Even though I’d duck down deep, wanting a hope for the soul to revive

That one moment was so quiet and so sore
I was, once again, forgotten; Nobody around no more
Where my voice echoed in emptiness of the sinful war
I only had my tears to join me and the blood filled floor

Engraved in my history, is the image of the land
Who’ll take over what we left of red castles’ of its sand?
One day I’ll have to ask God to make me understand…
Why did I go through all that without, at least, a comfy shoulder, or a helpful hand?

October 13, 2008

Seal My Happiness

So that’s how it’s like?
Closing your eyes, and seeing your ashes strike
Or expose your soul, and feeling your limbs degrading
Or meditate upon your life, and watch its colors slowly fading
How do I talk about what I don’t know?
Should I just pertain to my presence and go with the flow?
But I really haven’t discovered my purpose here
I seem strong and determined, but I’m torn and full of fear
I want to ask for help, or maybe just a smile
I never tend to succeed, but they say it’s a free trial
Deep breaths come along, and sighs of despair are released
I’ll retain my simple grin, and seal my happiness before it’s ceased


October 3, 2008

Sentenced to Obedience

You know I try to figure it out alone

And not nag to everybody about my stories everyday

But it doesn’t work when you are emotionally stoned

Feel like drowning or burning – never the right way

It’s one of those days that you spend thinking about tomorrow

Then worry more about what happened yesterday

Embracing your today with a crushed sorrow

Trapped in a cage that’s scheduled to decay

I really don’t like staring with despair

Sealing the rays of sunlight with mashes of gray

What happened to hope, faith and prayer?

Losing the world in the dark secretly steals life away

I look for the end on an open road

I still retain my imagination in an old portray

Dreaming a scream to let out the internal mold

Then waking up to the scarred reality that I am sentenced to obey

November 07, 2008